Is there such as thing as a NO-DRAMA Mama Group?

Years ago, when my now six year old was just about a year old I joined a local Moms Club. It was a local chapter of the international organization called MOMS Club (Moms Offering Moms Support). I'd been a Stay home mom since my son was born and after a year of it I needed to meet other moms and kids. All of my friends were single, child-less, gay, or had kids that were all grown up so I desperately was seeking a peer group. At the same time I also joined a "mothers" group called Mothers & More. An internet friend had told me that perhaps M&M would be more up my alley because it was for mothers who were "transitioning" from the workplace. In other words, she felt that because I'd worked in the corporate world for about 7 years I'd relate better to some of these moms who had actually had a career path. The M&M group met in the evenings at the local hospital and I was one of the youngest mothers there. The mothers were from all over the county as opposed to right in my suburb so it was for me to find my niche/connection in the group. I decided to focus on the MOMS chapter and made what turned out to be some pretty good friends. I was active in playgroups, field-trips and was ultimately roped into being on the local Board of Directors for the group. I'm a do-er, not a sayer so this tends to happen to me.

After 2 years with the MOMS group my son received a diagnosis on the Autism Spectrum. All of a sudden I felt the cold chill as my son and I entered the room or attended functions. There seemed to be a misconception that Autism was contagious or that maybe I wasn't a good mother, after all - since my son was different. At the time I was really going thru a shock of sorts and still learning about Autism and all it entails. The last thing I needed was to be surrounded by negative people so I pulled away slowly from the group. I was finally able to make a clean break when in the fall of '04 we moved from upstate NY to central NJ because of my husbands employment.

I was pregnant at the time and also had to transition my son into a new Pre-K program, which meant a lot of time sorting out the IEP as well as unpacking, doctors appointments, and learning where the grocery stores were. I met up with a few mothers of children at my son's school but didn't feel the urge to jump into the moms group arena. I searched a local chapter of MOMS and filled out the paperwork but it was probably a good 6 months or so after my daughter was born that I finally took the plunge to join. I'm still a member of this group but the few events I've attended I've not connected to more than 1 or 2 mothers. I don't know if its the 4 year gap between my two children or the fact that I have one child who is special ed and the other who is not (knock on wood), or if its my own "something" that is holding me back.

While online at a yahoogroup for Autism I decided to search for local moms groups and see what I could find. Literally like more than 50 come up for my county and surrounding area. I joined a couple and participated as I could. Some I connected with, some I didn't. The whole Moms group thing is really fascinating if you look at it from the outside. Some of the groups had over 100 members, lots of chat, not a lot of real getting together. Others were small and had lots of getting together but were not real friendly with someone coming in from the outside. One of the groups welcomed me and I was beginning to make friends but once I shared that I had a special needs child I was given a cold shoulder. Ultimately I started my own group for moms around my area in hopes of creating a warm, accepting community.

If you create it they will come. But, so will the drama. And unfortunately I let that drama get the best of my little world which was shut down in Sep '06. Out of the closure of my group, not 1 but something like 4 or 5 groups started up from different members who split off. This was really sad to me, but a new group (Jersey Shore Moms & Tots) was created and is thriving, for the most part.

After a recent dramatic episode one of my friends sent me this link entitled "Positive Energy
How to Build Vitality and Stop the Energy Vampires" . Its a good read if you have the time to click thru and read the entire thing. What I learned from this article most of all is the following:

1. Take Inventory. Think about people in your life who give energy and people who drain. Specifically identify the energy vampires and begin to evaluate ones you'd like to limit contact with or eliminate. Plan at least one complete afternoon with people who give off positive energy and avoid drainers. Notice how this beneficially affects your physical and emotional well-being.

I had an amazing weekend with my kids and my husband, even though my daughter has bronchitis, an ear infection and has thrown up 4 times over the last 24 hours.

I've taken my inventory!